– Hans Christian Andersen
I am not feeling 100% today. My sinuses feel like they are going to explode and the drainage has my throat raw. I’ve been hitting the burpees hard this week in anticipation of the Superhero Scramble coming up (I have vowed that none of my team will do burpees alone) – and that has my lower back screaming, something I am not used to. Stinks getting old!
So I decided at lunchtime I needed a distraction, something to get my mind off of the aches and pains. I ended up creating two painting today.
The first was a quick 5 minute brush painting. I try to make one or two of these flowers a week. I keep thinking eventually I get one “right.” I like to lose myself in the flow of the long leaves and the petals. I know that someday I will finally get myself in the zone and relax just right, and the leaves will take a life of their own and go onto the paper loose, flowing and natural rather than forced. There is so much joy contained in laying the pigments down on the paper and seeing the results, I can’t imagine how good it will feel when things finally click.
The second painting has been bouncing around in my head for awhile. At the end of last summer I ran the Spartan Super at Wintergreen Ski Resort in Virginia, one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. On the way to the resort, we passed several lavender farms in full bloom. They were all neatly laid out in perfect symmetrical rows and formed a beautiful pattern. Then we passed an open field neighboring one of the farms.
Here the lavender had grown wild. There were no neat rows or patterns, it was chaos – a riot of purples and greens.
About 6 miles into the race I was climbing a mile long, black diamond ski slope. I was delirious with fatigue, hunger, and the knowledge that I still had two more miles, a log carry and a rope climb ahead of me. I finally laid down on the soft grass (along with about a hundred other people) and rested as I looked out over the valley below and up at the clear blue sky.
As I drifted in and out of a nap on the side of the hill, I kept thinking about those lavender fields. The perfectly groomed and laid out field on one side, and the chaotic field on the other. They were both amazing in their own way. So many times in life we try to bring order into every aspect of our lives, to make it as perfect and patterned as that lavender farm. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I think we sometimes fail to see the beauty that can be contained in the chaos.
I know I am that way with my artwork. I want it to be perfect. Like I said earlier, I want it to be “right”, to follow the rules. But maybe I should remember that lavender field more often, and just let things stay loose and unbound by rules and order. Just enjoy the moment.
Anyway, I was finally able to pick myself and finish the climb, and eventually finish the race. I told myself that as soon as I got home I was going to paint that field. I got caught up in other things in it didn’t happen. While thinking about the race this weekend and feeling sorry for myself over the aches and pains, the memory of the field and my hillside thoughts came back, and I decided to give it a shot.
I was happy with the painting at first. I thought I was staying loose, and allowing the chaos of the lavender to take shape. Then I added the fence. Ugh. The “order” side of my brain kicked in, and I think it ruined the flow of the painting.
Oh well. I did get a tremendous amount of joy out of both remembering and painting that field, and I hope to visit it again this year. Maybe I will even take some paints and paper with me this time.
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